Going out of my mind
by sweetlittlecherry
Summary: Finny and him had to be out of their mind when they did it. They had to be. Gene was going to stick to that story no matter what. GeneXFinny
1. Clash of Ideas

I had to be out of my mind. **We** had to be out of **our** minds. There must've been some strange thing that had compelled us to do that; something that had nothing to do with us. Maybe the earth had a spasm and no one else but us were affected. Maybe I had taken some medicine that just made me not sane for just a small sliver of time.

There was no way that we did that sanely. We had to have been **out of our minds**.

I can't accept what happened, I can't even picture it in my mind. The thought is so revolting and what we did . . . it was just wrong. So many guys at our school had done it, sure. But us . . . **us**. There is no way that we did that! We were out of our minds! Out of our minds.

How many times must I repeat that in my mind to get it imprinted in there?

I hate that there is that small thought that I keep pushing back and back, further and further into the back of my mind so I _just don't think about it_. The two thoughts are battling right now and I don't want that other thought to come out on top! It has to die. It can't be right! There was just _no possible way_.

This was going to keep me up all night, I knew it. I would keep thinking about it forever until I settle it but it'll never be settled. Never will I talk about it. **Never**. It won't be brought up in conversations because, get real, who the hell would want to talk about it? Not me. Nor _him_.

Him. Yes, him. The guy that I had always envied for everything the person that I could never get away from, not in a million years. If I were to move away I would know that I would end up staying in touch with him whether I wanted to or not. It was just a quality of **him** that affected everyone. You just couldn't _say no to him_. It was _impossible_. The laws of the world just wouldn't allow it.

There was no way you could say no to Phineas.

I cringed at the name as I spoke it in my mind. The thought that I wanted to go away just made a slash at my attempts to mask it.

I feel like a mad man the way I'm thinking. I just feel so crazy. Ah, yes, a reason why _my_ explanation made sense. We were crazy. Crazy people do crazy things

. . . _when they're in love_. . .

I ran my fingers through my hair nervously. It's winning. It's winning and I don't like it. The thought is getting stronger, stronger than I want it to be. I want it to go away. Just go away and never come back. I try to banish it from my mind but it _won't_. It just **won't**.

The door to my room opened and in walked Brinker. It was always Brinker who'd come in when I didn't want him to. When I didn't need someone antagonizing me, he'd be there. It was like he had psychological senses that told him to come to me, wherever I was, because I was vulnerable to ridicule.

"Hello." I greeted in the friendliest manner I could manage. He looked at me strangely but the look faded away after a few seconds.

. . . _**It**__ was just a few seconds_. . .

The thought was able to make another move and that one hurt. I wanted to cringe but I couldn't because Brinker was here and if I were to cringe, he would never leave me alone until I told him what had pained me just then.

"Hi." He greeted back. I noticed his eyes looked a bit distance. Was this visit just to get away from something? Had something

I stopped myself mid-thought. The though wasn't about to see an opening to attack.

"Have you seen Phineas?" He asked me, his eyes showing that he had broken from his thoughts as well and came down to earth; a place in which I was far from being.

. . . _Of course someone would be looking for Phineas, after all_. . .

I put my hands over my ears. I didn't want to hear it. That thought . . . I didn't want to present the **true** issue again.

Brinker put a hand on my back. "Are you okay?" He asked, worry in his tone. I removed my hands from my head and stared at the ground. While the battle was going on, I had to conjure up an excuse.

"I just have a terrible headache." I lied, putting my hand back on my head. Brinker removed his hand and nodded his head. He took the excuse, great.

. . . _Terrible headache? Or terrible __**heart ache**_. . .

I clenched my teeth hard. It's winning. "I'm going to go get you an asprin." Brinker said, a worried expression on his face. I nodded my head and then he was gone. As soon as he left, I felt like screaming. I wanted this battle in my head to stop. I want the thought to _die_ so badly. _So_ badly.

I tried not thinking of it, I did but as time passed, I actually _felt_ it going on in my head. I, shockingly, was getting a headache from this.

Of course, it wasn't my fault. If I didn't think of this . . . if I wasn't so out of my mind I'd have nothing to worry about. We wouldn't have done that. I'd be perfectly sane right now.

But I'm not _perfectly_ sane right now because this damn thought is driving me _insane_.

I felt myself getting lightheaded so I lied down. I needed help. But I don't think the guidance counciler would help. They'd think I was crazy. **We** were crazy. What we did . . .

I shook my head, I didn't want to remember it. Maybe the best way would be to forget it. Because I absolutely don't want to remember it. Even though trying is hopeless.

. . . _Hopelessly and Absolutely in love_. . .

My legs moved me to the door. I needed fresh air. When I opened the door and walked forward to get out, I walked into someone.

Someone I didn't want to see right now.

Someone that surely wouldn't help.

. . . _Someone that you love_. . .

**Phineas**.


	2. Try to Resist

"Oh, hey Gene!" Finny greeted in his usual, cheerful manner. I stared at hiim incredulously. How could he be so calm and so _himself_? We . . . how could it be that he's acting like nothing happened?!

Maybe it was all just a dream. Maybe it was just some horrific scenario that my mind thought of while I was partially unconcious.

Although . . .

. . . _If it was a dream, why do you feel this way _. . .

Stabbed again. That one went deep.

I came out of my thoughts when Phineas began waving his hand in front of my face, repeating my name. I shook my head then looked at Phineas. "Sorry." I apologized shyly.

"It's okay." He said, walking past me and into our room. I didn't leave, like I wanted to do originally. there was some force holding me back; like there was some force field in the doorway, beckoning me to stay.

Maybe Phineas wanted me to stay and everything had changed in his favor. Of course, the question of _why_ he wanted me to stay arose and I stopped my thought processes.

Our of our minds, _I_ am out of my mind right now. I am thinking things that shouldn't have been thought. Thoughts that never should have came. Never **would've** come if I wasn't so _out of my mind._ Not just me, but him too. We had both been _out of our minds_.

"Gene." I heard Finny say from behind me. I paused, collecting my thoughts, then turned to him. "Are you okay?"

I could not bring myself to say anything. My voice was gone. Looking at him took my breath away. I didn't know why I hadn't felt this way a few seconds ago when he was in front of me. I was _breathless_. All those thoughts, ones that I tried to push away, came to the front and flooded all throughout my mind.

We were out of our minds . . .

. . . _If you were 'out of your mind,' would you have gotten such pleasure from it? If you were 'out of your mind,' would you be able to remember it so vividly? If you were 'out of your mind,' wouldn't you have accepted that fact from the start and not be skeptical to that theory? You weren't out of your mind. You loved it, you loved the feelings that rushed over you during and after. Phineas_ . . .

I clamped my hands over my ears. No! That wasn't the truth! It couldn't have been the truth! It didn't feel good, I didn't love it, and I can't remember it so vividly! **We **_**were**_** out of our minds!**

"Gene!" I heard Finny gasp as he jumped off his cot and dropped to my side. His arms turned me to look directly at him.

"I got your asprin," Brinker said from behind me. Finny turned me around and immediately a pill was shoved into my mouth. "Swallow it." Brinker said with no distress. I did as he told me to do and swallowed the tiny pill without any water.

Slowly and gradually my headache faded away and so did my thoughts. My mind was finally taking a break.

"God Gene," Finny said, embracing me, "you could've just told me it was a headache. I got worried." I put my arms around him as well and he hugged me tighter against his body.

"I'm sorry." I apologized, getting my voice back.

"Isn't this sweet?" Brinker said in a dull tone. Finny and I pulled away from our hug and got up off of the ground.

"I was looking for you earlier." Brinker said. Phineas and Brinker became engaged in a conversation so I just layed down on my cot. What was with my mind?

I'm done. Never again will I let my thoughts wander like that again. It will be as though nothing happened between Phineas and I. Everything will go back to normal, everything **should** go back to normal.

Right?

I stopped thinking and looked back to Phineas and Brinker. Well, just Phineas actually. Brinker was gone. I hadn't even noticed he left.

He sighed, I heard him do that, then turned and sat next to me. "Gene, about . . . earlier." He began saying. My face flushed. Just as I was about to get away from it, he had to bring it up. Great timing Finny! "I . . . I'm sorry for-" HI sentence was cut off when the door opened and Leper walked in. Saved by the Lepellier.

"Coming now?" Leper asked. Finny's eyes lit up.

"Oh! Right!" He exclaimed, racing to our cluttered closet. He pulled out a ball and went to Leper. "Coming Gene?" Finny asked before leaving.

Blitzball would get my mind of everything and help me in the long run. "Sure." I said, hopping off my cot. I then followed the two outside where a large group of people were waiting.

Finny held up the ball and started spinning it on one finger professionally. "Everyone ready?" He asked, smirking. Everyone yelled 'yes' and Phineas threw the ball to Chet. Chet preformed a 'lepellier refusal' and someone else picked it up, bolting away from the crowd. I started chasing after him as well.

After a bit of running, he looked behind for someone to throw to. His gaze locked with mine and then he threw it. I caught in both hands and before I could start running, Finny tackled me.

I fell to the ground with an 'oomph' and so did Finny when his body crashed against mine. During the tackle, I had somehow ended up throwing the ball and now everyone was chasing Bobby. Which meant it was just me and Finny on this side of the field.

Finny was moving slowly while he was getting off of me. He was up on his knees when I attempted to sit up. I didn't make it all the way up because Phineas pinned me down by my wrists. "We need to talk."

I clenched my teeth. There was _nothing_ to talk about and he seriously had to get off of me. I tried resisting by attempting to wriggle from his grip. To my surprise, he just let me go. I bended my arms, elbows against the grass, and tried sitting up once again. Phineas leaned down and put one hand against my back to keep me up when I tried going back down. "Someone will see us like this." I growled.

"Will you talk to me?" He asked, most likely ignoring my statement. My face was burning. He _had_ to bring it up?! Why?!

I exhaled deeply, deciding to answer him. "If you get off." Immediately after, he got up and then helped me to my feet. We both brushed the dirt and grass from our clothes.

"So, about earlier . . . Gene, I-" Phineas was cut off, yet again, by a parade of people. In the front, leading them with the ball, was some guy from our english class. I looked to Finny, who was smirking to show he was ready to play. The guy threw the ball in our direction and Phineas caught it, making a mad dash towards the other end of the field.

After everone left, I was alone. I like it this way, it's so much better.

. . . _except for the fact that Phineas left you _. . .

I shook my head. Damn thought is getting to me, it has returned. But now I feel I have no fighter to stop it anymore. The thought will continue to plague me until it consumes me, forcing me to give in, crumbling under the immense pressure.

Whatever happens, I shall always know that that thought is not true. The thing that happened earlier . . . was nothing.

I'll admit we weren't _completely_ out of our minds but we weren't thinking at all. Just something stupid. Because . . .

**who kisses their best friend**?


	3. What Happened

The field was no longer of interest to me since I decided to play no longer. Plus, the chance that Finny would once again pin me to the ground and ask to talk wasn't something I was going to risk happening. I can't be around him and I don't want to talk to him. It's not him specifically, it's just that he wants to talk about the kiss.

I wish I could suffer from a minor concussion and forget all that happened earlier. I was just . . . something stupid.

. . . _nothing? But you liked it_ . . .

I didn't like it. It was disgusting and never should have happened! I don't care if I had thought that it felt good for a few seconds but it _wasn't_. I was crazy for those few seconds. Or maybe it was just another effect of Finny. He did everything so well, maybe I just couldn't deny it in my mind that it wasn't good.

But I've gotten that under control. I understand how it was. And it was not good. _Not at all_.

--

"Have you got the homework for second block?" Finny asked me as soon as I got back from the shower. I stared at him, water dripping from my still wet hair onto my skin. We didn't have a meeting yesterday and classes ended earlier so why hadn't he done it.

Unfortunately, Finny has been getting better and better lately with that pouting face that it's been harder and harder to deny him the things he wants. Not that it was easy to deny him anything before. "Yes." I gave up, walking towards our desk. I shuffled through the papers, holding my head back a bit so no water would drip onto my hard work. I found the paper and pulled it from the pile, handing it to Finny. Finny took it into his hands with a smile and probably would've hugged me but he didn't because I was still a little wet and all I had on right now was a towel.

I looked at him, expecting him to leave but he stayed in the room. He spun around on his heels and walked to his cot. He leaned his head back against the wall behind him and began studying the paper. After looking it over, he grabbed a pencil, piece of paper, and a clipboard from the side of his cot and began looking from my paper to his, copying everything that was written down.

Seeing that he was preoccuppied and that he wouldn't be leaving, I decided just to get dressed. We were both guys so what the hell? It wasn't like we were gay.

I slipped the towel from my hips and then got my clothes on. A button-up plain white shirt and a pair of black pants was what I wore. The Devon school tie was also in my wardrobe.

My hair wasn't that bad, I concluded after I looked in the little mirror that hung just above our dresser. Just to make it look a little better, I ran the little black comb that was perched on the dresser through my hair a few times. I then set it back down and sat on my cot.

Phineas was still copying the paper I saw when I looked to the other side of the room. It was just for English so it shouldn't be long until he was done with it. The teacher may notice that he copyed it and get pissed at him but he had told me before, when he did it, that he didn't care about getting in trouble. At least he turned in the paper.

Of course, the odds that the teacher would actually get _mad_ was unlikely. I knew how smooth of a talker he could be. He was able to get out of the stickiest of situations with just a few words. I envyed that of him. About a few months ago, he had done this

"Here you go." I suddenly heard Finny say. I looked up and saw him holding out the paper to me. He finished quickly. "Thanks for letting me copy it." He thanked when I took the paper in my hands.

"No problem." I said, getting up from my cot. Now I had to stuff this with the other papers.

I shuffled through them, looking for where it would actually have to go, and slid it in with the rest. There was so much work to turn in. The folder was closed and I stuffed it into my backpack along with my other books and binders for the various classes I had to go through in the day.

When I had set the bag on one of the chairs, I noticed that Finny was getting dressed. I looked away from him, giving him privacy. He had given me mine so I had to give him his in return.

I turned around a little bit later and saw him in that same, goofy pink shirt. I would've said something about it but that conversation was over. We had that one days before. "You like the shirt?" He chuckled, catching my eyes looking at him.

"Yeah," I rolled my eyes, "it's _fabulous_."

"Great, maybe I could lend it to you one day, after all, your clothes are hideous." He laughed, walking around me to examine my whole wardrobe. I rolled by eyes once again, he doesn't like my clothes yet he sometimes puts mine on without realizing it and doesn't complain.

"What's so wrong about what I'm wearing?" I asked, crossing my arms.

He pulled my arms apart and put them to the sides, saying, "Well, for one thing, this sweater vest thing looks horrible and you'd look better without it." Without even getting my consent, he pulled it over my head. "Second, You look like some geek with it buttoned up all the way." Once again, without caring about what I thought, he began unbuttoning a few buttons at the top. Then he looked at me strangely before continueing to unbutton more buttons that I had thought he'd undo. I grabbed his hand before he could get to all of them.

"What?" I asked. He frowned at me.

"Why are you wearing another shirt under this one?" He asked, pulling his hand away.

"Because it's supposed to be a bit chilly today." I explained.

"Pfft, that's no reason to be a dork and wear two shirts _plus_ a sweater vest which I had helped you by taking that off."

"I don't care how I look, I just want to be comfortable."

"You will be if you just wear one shirt, think of it: the teachers will have their thermostats turned up if it's cold outside so wouldn't you rather be a bit cold inbetween classes while relaxed inside the warm classroom instead of sweating because it's so hot under three layers?" Phineas explained, still looking down at my half unbuttoned shirt.

After debating whether or not his idea actually made sense or not, I sighed and began finishing what Finny started. He smiled in victory. After removing the shirt underneath, I started buttoning up my shirt once again and Finny stopped me when I got about two thirds of the way up. "No need to button up anymore." He said, smiling.

I looked out the window and I could see the other students walking around in jackets and scarves. Looking in the mirror, I really wished that I hadn't listened to Finny. But, I can't help it and neither could anyone else; it was just the kind of person he was. You can't refuse him. "First block is all the way across campus, right?" I asked, staring back outside. I heard a sigh from my friend then a jacket was thrown at my face.

"Here, don't freeze yourself to death." He said, rolling his eyes as he passed me. I quickly put my arms into the sleeves then zipped it up halfway. Finny gave me a pat on the back. "Good job," He said, walking in front of me with a binder in his hand, "but where's your tie?" I exhaled deeply. I didn't even notice I forgot to put it on. Before I could cross the room, Finny was already on the other side, pulling the tie out of the dresser.

Usually in the mornings, we don't pay any attention to each other. We didn't care what the other one wore, just as long as they were wearing something. Something is different about this morning . . . I just can't put my finger on exactly what it is.

He put the tie around my neck and as he was tying it, he began saying, "I had the weirdest dream last night . . . I kissed this one guy . . . do you have dreams like that?" Since the question had caught me completely off gaurd, I had no idea how to respond. Finny, sensing my sudden uneven breathing looked up to me and stopped tying. "What is it?" He asked.

Suddenly the distance that was between us physically had become known to me. When he was tying, I hadn't found it odd about how close he was to me but now that he's stopped _and_ brought up a topic like that, it was now at the front of my mind. Involuntarily I took a step back. Phineas tugged on my tie a bit. "Gene . . . what is it?"

"I . . . I don't know." I answered earnestly, wanting to step back from him again. I wanted the distance to grow, I didn't want to be this close to him. I don't know why I do, I just do. I'm over reacting and I have no idea why, it was just a dream and it probably wasn't me so what am I freaking out about? Am I scared of something? Am I scared of him?

Shaking my head, I found my thoughts to be preposterous and decided to just stop being so . . . nervous. I gulped and stepped closer to Finny so we were at the same distance from each other as we were before. Phineas and I exchanged glances then he resumed what he was doing before, ignoring his question to me, "it was odd kinda . . . y'know. I've never actually had dreams like that. But, strangely enough, it seemed right . . . maybe it could be the lack of girls here that I dream like that. Of course, you were acting much more like a girl than a boy so it didn't seem weird at all . . . not at all." My cheeks reddened. When he had said that he kissed a boy, he didn't say at all that it was me. My breathing became hitched again and it seemed like we were closer. In actuality, none of us were moving but it seemed like it. It was like if I leaned even the smallest bit forward, his lips would meet mine and I didn't want that.

When he stopped once again and his emerald eyes looked back up, I blushed more and I could feel my thoughts starting to cloud. I was trying to think of something else but all I could hear in my mind was what he had just said. What's going on? Why am I feeling this way? Why am I reacting like this; it doesn't make any sense. I tried to back away but my feet were practically fused to the ground; I couldn't move and I couldn't look away from his eyes. "Gene . . . are you okay?" He asked. His cheeks were flushed as well; probably just because of my reaction.

I could hear my heart beating in my ears; the pace was increasing as I looked into Finny's eyes. "Gene . . ." I could hear him say almost breathlessly. I looked down and saw his chest going up and down quickly and I could hear him exhale and inhale. His hands were already away from my half tied tie. When I heard him gulp, my eyes snapped back to his. They were laced with an emotion that I could not detect; it was a stare that I had never been graced with. It was . . . different; we never looked at each other like this. We never looked into each other's eyes with such . . . what's that word? What word can describe this emotion?

The second I heard his binder hit the ground was the second that my breathing and thoughts subsided. His lips were tenderly against my own lips, pressing its form against mine. His eyes were closed and mine were half lidded and clouded with the emotion that I had yet to find the word for.

I could feel his hands at my sides, somewhat holding me close but also keeping me away.

_It feels so right . . ._

My eyes closed all the way and I pressed my lips harder agianst his. Our lips pulled apart for only a brief moment before they were rejoined again. Without hesitation, my hands were in his hair and we were slowly backing up. I was up against the wall and his hands were rubbing up and down my arms slowly.

It felt like everything else was gone; it was just me and him converging blissfully. Nothing else mattered in that moment. **Nothing**. I could feel a low growl in the back of my throat that I tried harder and harder to keep down. But, due to my attempt to keep it down, it came out as a wimper that only made Phineas kiss deeper.

We kissed like there was no tomorrow; like this would be the only time we could do this. Our lips came apart and together effortlessly.

_. . . but it's so wrong . . . _

We pulled apart and we began breathing heavily. When we were kissing; the need for air didn't seem important and we didn't notice how winded we were.

I was looking to my side and Phineas was staring I had no idea where. I couldn't look at him. I just couldn't.

I didn't even know he moved until I heard the door shut. I looked forward and into the mirror; I could see my still gasping form against the wall. My cheeks were rosy and my lips were redder. I swallowed back the lingering feeling that the kiss gave me and looked away from the mirror. I finished tying my tie then got my backpack before leaving the room.

* * *

_It's a love/hate relationship with me and writing kissing scenes. I swear they come out so cheesy and make no sense and if you actually think it's good, then I'm shocked! Sorry this took so long to do. There were so many complications but once I started writing, I remembered my ideas and I went on from there. And after the '--' is the incident that happened that morning with Gene and Finny. I wrote half of this (up to the part where Phineas is getting dressed) and as I was looking at this tonight I was going ". . . how the heck are they supposed to kiss; this seems like a normal scene!" so yeah, if it makes no sense that's why :D_

_. . . okay, I'm done annoying you all. ^-^_


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